Sisters…

It is said…that of two sisters, one is always the watcher, the other the dancer! I have watched my younger sister dance away…often with reckless abandon…and always loved it…and her! She has also led many of us who love her…with unfaltering tenderness…on merry and fun filled dances…and we have all loved her for it…often, when it was over though!

On this birthday of hers…after many years…due to a travel destination that did not allow this…we have not spoken. I have missed it badly, I know she has too…because sisters know why you are as you are…and accept it…because, sisters know the original text! You may grow up to be different…and people may sometimes say…”You are sisters? Really!” Yes…really! Really, because we are bound by a common past…common ground…common territory…the thread of umpteen shared experiences…shared memories…a shared history…same prejudices that carry echoes of mother’s voice…a mutual knowledge of the intuitive, unspoken kind…all of these forge a strong, interwoven and emotional link, a link that transcends differences and often outlasts just about every other relationship! Marriage, husbands may come and go…death of parents…children often and eventually go away…friends lose touch, move away…the one thing that is never lost, is your sister…she is always around…a confidante…best friend…ally…”losing touch” is generally not an issue…

A sister is a gift to the heart…a friend to the spirit…a golden thread to the meaning of life…sisters are connected throughout their lives by an extraordinarily strong and special bond…truly, a blessing par excellence….

Closing cycles…Welcome 2011…

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters….whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments in life that have finished.
Things pass and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

As always…pertinent…relevant…inspiring…lines by Paulo Coelho.

Easier said than done , for sure…but doable…when we put our minds to it! Putting our minds to it is the hard part…we waver…we justify and have reasons for vacillating…we let guilt take over and hesitate…we let others influence us and falter. But if we decide to let go…to detach and distance oneself from cycles that need to be closed…then we can begin the onward journey and make room for newer chapters and stages in our life…this is only possible when we accept…decide…release…detach ourselves in all earnestness and seriousness from the past…memories…relationships…mindset…that pull us down and back…

Releasing the past…stages…aspects…relationships…positions…we have maintained and carried…but have become painful to maintain, is a serious and arduous task. Memories are painfully hard to release, mindsets are distressingly difficult to alter, relationships are cloyingly unpleasant to retract from…but once the will to do so is there the actual break is surprisingly easy.

Closing chapters…finishing one to be able to start the next with a clean slate…trying not to hold on to specific elements…being able to let go…then being able to cut the cord…and finally to complete and close that circle…so as to be able to move freely…ultimately, to be able to embrace and welcome the next cycle of life…

Welcome 2011…

Cost of personal freedom and happiness….

Is the opposite of happiness…unhappiness? What about…simple pleasures…joys…overcoming fears…relief…challenges…contentment..interests…excitement…inner peace? Is paying the price for doing it your way worth more than paying a price for living someone else’s life ? Dare we be different to what society…people…family…peers…expect us to be, and in that pursuit be…happy…content…at peace…lead a happy life?

In this age of instant gratification…instant expectations…instant communication…being yourself…unique…marching to your own drum roll, invites a lot of raised eyebrows and skepticism . There seems to be a one-for-all yard stick for a life of fun…happiness…the good life! This, more often than not, is now a made-to-order, across the board, modern…enlightened…superimposed lifestyle…and it is being adhered to by an increasing number of people…

Forgotten are values…norms…expectations…lifestyles of yore…We seem now to be marching to a universal…modern…alien, but blindly accepted…value system with it’s own codes of enjoyment. Not falling into this  “norm” invites a less than approving acceptance …

A favorite writer, Paulo Coelho says…Dare to be different. You are unique, and you have to accept you as you are, instead of trying to repeat other people’s destinies or patterns. Insanity is to behave like someone that you are not. Normality is the capacity to express your feelings. From the moment that you don’t fear to share your heart, you are a free person.

In effect…staying true to yourself…whatever that means or may be…irrespective of social disapproval…in spite of a superimposed code of conduct…marching to your own drum roll based on values, behavioral codes, ethics, tenets you believe in…this is the path of learning to be true to yourself…taking responsibility for the celebration of life…

Friendships and Family…

Friendships are truly blessings par excellence…the joy and comfort of being with someone who fills up the space around you so effortlessly, without any imposition, understanding your moods in the light of shared experiences…and then…most importantly…not saying anything hurtful or careless! Therein I do believe lies the true comfort of friendship…this concern and…reluctance to say the mindless and not so kind word…something we do not always take care of in other relationships…specially family!

In other relationships…most specifically of kin…this is almost never a consideration. We blurt out mindless, inane , hurtful thoughts without a care in the world…this is sadly, said to those we should really be taking the most care of…knowing full well we would never say these things to a…friend.  We justify this by saying…we can choose our friends…but not family…and so with Family it is almost always ‘open house’ day…sad, but true.

It is only much later as we age…grow…evolve…understand…do we come to realize the significance of family! These irrefutable ties that we often spend the better part of our lives trying to forget, start to bring feelings…emotions…to a table we have stopped sharing. The comfort zone of their ‘being’ impacts our being in ways we never expected it to…these are often latent feelings we still try to suppress…the hype of not being able to choose kin as opposed to friends has done it’s work well…

The ideal becomes apparent often much later…friendship with family…there is little that compares with this combination…the ease of  joyous recollections…the happiness of shared memories and incidents…the comfort of being aware and in the know of the self through the years…of literally seeing and growing up together with all one’s ups and downs…the shared family expressions, nuances and changing and evolving alliances…the unspoken understanding and ease borne of a lifelong and undeniable relationship…the realization of the joy, comfort level and strength of Family is a powerful and perceptive realization…one that needs to be embraced sooner rather than later…

Memory making times…

The last ten days have been spent in a series of festivities…marking the end of Ramadan…which is always a special time of year! This time it was made more so, as all of us siblings and spouses were together to celebrate this period of festivities…as always, at times like this, I feel that truly…my cup runneth over…

Being together is not just a memory making span of time…but a deeply felt emotional spell…it is not always translatable…but rather a feeling of well being…of serenity…of peace…of being totally at home…a shared bond of similar festivities of the past…a feeling of being whole…touching the very depths of one’s soul…of being…family !

The passing of time helps make these occasions more meaningful, taking on colors and hues that we often miss when younger. Moments are treasured…chuckled over…picturised and safely tucked away in the latest memory making devices…which capture the spirit but not the inner joy of the comfort zone that is felt but often not even acknowledged…but more importantly…all is forgotten and memories are tucked away in the recesses of the attics of our minds, a much more loving space…giving us a strength and energy to face our morrows, often without even letting us know the power of the family comfort zone we have experienced…

The younger ones try not to look on sceptically…try not to raise eyebrows seeing us act so unfamiliarly…try not to shake their heads…but little do they know or understand, we were all there too…and not too long ago it seems…was that really us ? We are the elders now…the circle of life goes on, lovingly touching all aspects of our lives…

Celebrating Memories……

A death in the family is definitive at so many levels…when it is from one’s own age group it is more so…like  a punch in the stomach! Our heart aches in the  shock, grief and regrets that follow. Shock because death always catches you unawares, grief for its primary selfish emotions and regrets, purely because we are human. I do however find that this process of  airing grief  has the ability and potential, strangely enough, to make it a  heartrending learning encounter in cementing old relationships and establishing new ones…

After the initial and sudden blow to the system, the path to acceptance is helped along lovingly by the onslaught of memories that everyone is so eager to share! The beauty and comfort of this is not just heartwarming but often a revelation too. True, memories tend to be generous of spirit…but there has to be grounds for it..this is God’s Grace to us at such times …

My major regret of late has been that we do not indulge in this for the living …imagine the pure joy, exultation and buoyancy of heart and soul to know how lovingly others think and feel about you…in your lifetime! Imagine arranging for such an occasion…leaving it  a personal choice of expression…the mind boggles oh so yearningly for this…this has to be accredited to the winged chariots of time gathering speed…

Memories….

A parent’s death is almost a surreal experience , as neither the heart, nor the mind has begun it’s journey of acceptance of circumstance at that point of time. We are never quite prepared for death, but the finality of this loss, irrespective of what the mind tells us, in spite of seeing the advance of old age and illness.. always seems to catch you unawares…almost on the back foot so to speak…you always want a little more time…often against your better judgement !

It is the end of an era…one in which parents are the binding factors. The loss and sense of bereavement I felt at my Father’s passing away, ten years ago was immense, but with Mother still in our midst, there was none of the finality at that time. With my Mother’s death, two years ago today… came a finality that, with every sense of faith, is still the hardest to come to terms with! I do not think that we are ever quite prepared for this loss, irrespective of age…what the mind tells us…or seeing the advance of old age and illness! The child in us is, I now realize, never quite ready to give up this status…..and grieves for it! This brings home the great truth that grieving is in part, selfish, because in this we grieve the loss of all it means to be a child, the loss of the only constant and unconditional love giver…and a place to call…Home!  God teaches us so much through this timeless circle of life…yet so many of us  still fail to see, understand, accept, and hence, act accordingly. May God in His Infinite mercy grant us all the strenght and faith to handle life in all it’s aspects, and grant us the grace to always try to do the right thing .

The journey of trying to come to terms with grief and the  sense of loss, as well as a new and changed reality is something that needs to be done in the private recesses of one’s heart and mind, as well as collectively with loved ones. The love of family is one of God’s greatest blessing..but the fear of the unknown future without the safety net of parents is challenging…huge changes take place and become part of our lives…a new structure has to naturally fall into place…new responsibilities need to be shouldered…new dynamics of family have to be worked at…some fall into place fairly automatically…others have to be worked at…it is not always easy, but the prayer is, that with His Help, family members help each other to do so in love and consideration….as a contribution to the celebration of one’s parents lives…making it their ultimate inheritance !

Peace

Deep inside our consciousness is an oasis of peace. This is at the centre of the soul. Not passive, but a source of inner power to fuel our mind and intellect, so that we can create powerful thoughts and make accurate decisions. If you can learn to go to this centre, peace will be your companion, positivity your partner, and you will be able to chill out in one second, anywhere, anytime. Returning to the centre of your self is the journey of one second. It is the regular destination of clever souls. And it is the source of your power and peace.

Relections on giving thanks.

The ushering in of the New Year also ushers in a host of resolutions….some realistic some not…. some whimsical, some fanciful, some with over reach, some with under reach….some far out and some sweet, some curious and some intrepid….but through it all runs a thread of a sense of achievement which we want to push ourselves to attain. Our hopes , dreams , aims and aspirations are all tied up in these resolutions, and although this is wonderful, we do also need to take time out to be thankful for the year gone by, and all that it helped us achieve…. in every sense of the word. It is in the first instance the year gone by that has made us strong enough to make such lofty commitments to ourself. So here’s giving thanks to all the joys of the year gone by…

To the good Lord for all His kindnesses, for family, a comfortable life style , good health , ease and inner peace in a time of much turbulence, for the strenght of belief.

To my children for their love, care, consideration, support and time …they are the joyous mainstays of my life .

To family, near and extended for always being there for me ….thank you all for being in my corner.

To those no longer with me …my parents above all….memories of their love colors my life with a sense of comfort and inner peace ….

Being surrounded by loved ones….some who  if not physically with me are always there in spirit.

Friends, both old and new…..blessings par excellence….also comfort in the reflection of the friend I am to others.

Times of so much love and laughter, in far and near corners of the world, that I have to reiterate that my ‘ Cup runneth over ‘.

Comfort in being able to find and see beauty around me in so many varied ways and scenarios.

The constant and common thread in all of this is as always ….family and friends….and although we often spend more time on so much else , on achieving so much else….in the final analysis all we need is family and  friends ….they make life worth living….ultimate blessings! Thank you ….

Every day is a Gift from God….make it Count !